Winning & Boozing: Faux rivalries, stigmas and seltzers

By Chris Marler

It’s Friday! It’s the end of the work week, well for some of us it is, and it’s almost time for the No. 1 ranked happy hour of the week – Friday happy hour. There are few better feelings than knocking off work an hour or two early on a Friday because the boss says so.

Head down to the closest bar. Grab a few beers before you Uber home. Talk sh*t about TPS reports, Jimmy in Sales and his stupid ties. It’s a good time had by all.

Sometimes, it’s too good of a time had by some and things escalate–quickly. That’s this weekend in college football. It could be a really fun weekend with a really good slate of games. It could also escalate very quickly for some teams like Tennessee, Alabama, and Georgia who went into this season with the highest of hopes and expectations. However, one or two of those teams are going to leave Saturday with their backs against the wall and no more mulligans to get to the 12 team playoff.

Let’s get into the games.

LSU at Arkansas 

LSU heads to Fayetteville for a statistical anomaly of a “rivalry” game that has been down right odd over the last few years. This game has been decided by exactly three points in each of the past four years. Three points, on the dot. LSU has won seven of the last eight against the Hogs. However, Arkansas is coming off a bye week and with an extra week of rest, they are 4-1 against the spread under Sam Pittman. That’s the best percentage of any head coach in the SEC.

It won’t matter. Also, move this game back to 2:30 PM on Black Friday like the good Lord intended, you cowards.

The Winning: LSU 34 Arkansas 24

The Boozing: A Bloody Mary. There is no drink that is associated with hangovers more than Bloody Mary. Well, maybe tequila, but that’s usually the cause of a hangover and not the solution to one. Bloody Mary’s are wildly popular. They’re also disgusting in my humble opinion. Just because you add vodka and jam over a thousand calories of garnishes in the top of it doesn’t mean that Tomato juice is any more appealing.

This game is the epitome of a hangover game for LSU after last week’s incredible overtime win at home against Ole Miss. And Bloody Marys are the cure for a hangover. Just ask anyone at a Vegas airport or Sunday morning brunch. Side note, some of y’all are too young to remember this, but why did every person on the face of the earth have their own special hangover cure drink in the 1980’s? And why were they all disgusting? Raw eggs? Pepto Bismol? Double AA batteries? Step away from the blender, you psychopath. I’ll just have a Bloody Mary and some Tylenol.

Tennessee-Alabama 

This is one of the streakiest rivalries in SEC history. Since 1955, either Tennessee or Alabama has won at least four straight in this series eight times. Alabama has won 16 of the last 17 against their longest actual real rival in the conference. Sorry, Auburn. These two teams have been mirror images of each other this season. Both got off to great starts. Both lost road games to unranked opponents after big wins. And, last week both teams got taken to the brink of defeat at home by inferior teams with head coaches on the offseason hot seat. I hate that I would ever say this, but I like Tennessee (gulp) to win.

The Winning: Tennessee 31 Alabama 28

The Boozing: Seltzers. A lot of them. Remember how for the longest time everyone made fun of seltzers back in the early 2000s and 2010s? Call it dumb, pull an MSNBC and call it toxic masculinity, or just call it a sign of the times which are always changing. But when I was in college I would’ve been ridiculed mercilessly for drinking a seltzer. Not now, though. Seltzer’s have caught up to the rest of the popular and acceptable game day drinking world because they’re delicious, not as heavy, and did I mention the delicious part?

It took awhile but the stigma of seltzers being lame in comparison to other drinks like beer has finally gone away. They’ve caught up to their peers and are now just as accepted and enjoyed as everything else. Does that sound familiar to this rivalry? Now, I’m not saying that Tennessee fans should ever be accepted by the masses. They are a liability in every sense of the word. However, just like seltzers caught up in popularity to beer they have caught up to Alabama in a once one-sided rivalry.