Every year I fall into the same trap. Well, two traps if you include telling myself that I’ll never eat the McRib again. It’s my kryptonite. Anyways, that’s not the point. The trap I fall into every year around this time is thinking that whatever questions I ask to the parade of head coaches at media days are going to be answered with honesty.
I’ve tried it countless times. I’ve asked Brian Kelly about his Southern accent. I asked Eli Drinkwitz about his favorite Celsius flavor on game day. I’m talking real Big J Journalism, y’all. I even asked Sam Pittman about his record against the spread. Eat your heart out, Brendan Sorsby. Most of the replies I got were some sort of word salad about nothing. Except Pittman, who was very pleased and gave me a “Go Hogs.”
On Sunday, I’ll head to Tampa, Florida for this year’s installment, so I figured why not share the question I would ask if I knew SEC head coaches had to give an honest answer. Truth Serum and a microphone. What could go wrong?
Kalen DeBoer, Alabama
What do you miss most about Washington and PAC 12, and is it being able to run for more than negative three yards in conference title games?
Ryan Silverfield, Arkansas
Can we just call you Rick Springfield? Or something that doesn’t sound like the name of a tiny Mormon mountain town in Utah.
Alex Golesh, Auburn
The rise of GLP-1 medications has helped many Americans lose weight and live healthier lives. Is it true that the third most effective way to lose weight besides diet and exercise is to watch Hugh Freeze call plays and run an offense with Jackson Arnold and Payton Thorne until you involuntarily throw up in disgust?
Jon Sumrall, Florida
How close were you to taking the Auburn job? And, what exactly was Billy Napier doing to that program over the last four years?
Kirby Smart, Georgia
Clemson isn’t an elite program without a generational quarterback running the offense. The program has gone downhill without guys like Deshaun Watson and Trevor Lawrence. Are you worried that Georgia is only good when they have an ia former in-state recruit with a receding hairline that only wants to spend his NIL money at Bass Pro Shops?
Will Stein, Kentucky
Hi, yeah, are you 12-years-old?
Lane Kiffin, LSU
Anything new or exciting happen to you over the offseason?
Jeff Lebby, Mississippi St
Remember that episode of The Office when Joe made Michael Scott and Jim Halpert co-managers and it went as horribly as everyone would’ve expected. Unrelated question, but how’s it been with Zac Arnett back on the staff?
Eli Drinkwitz, Missouri
Do you know Sophie Cunningham?
Brent Venables, Oklahoma
What’s higher: the expectations for your team this season or the SPF amount you are putting on your body during the summer? Good Lord, man.
Pete Golding, Ole Miss
How much more work do you get done now that you and the staff aren’t forced to go to hot yoga every day?
Shane Beamer, South Carolina
I know it’s been a busy offseason, but have you been able to report Mike Shula to the FBI yet for what he did to the offense last season? Is Gitmo off the table?
Josh Heupel, Tennessee
Between Chaz Coleman, Enron circa 2004 and Nico Iamaleava what is the worst investment you’ve ever seen financially speaking?
Steve Sarkisian, Texas
Earlier this offseason you alluded that your backups could beat what many assumed to be Texas Tech. I wonder how many casinos Brendan Sorsby tried to place a bet with after hearing that.
Mike Elko, Texas A&M
Between Kyle Field at night, the team running out to “Power,” and the nonstop recruiting momentum, how the hell did you make Texas A&M cool, Mike?
Clark Lea, Vanderbilt
I just started getting back into working out. What workout are you doing to sculpt a body that looks identical to the Academy Award gold statue? I’d like to see if there’s a Groupon or Class Pass.
