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The definitive list of 100 people to fight a gorilla

May 1, 2025 | 3:00 PM

By Chris Marler and Alondra Villarreal

The Definitive list of 100 people to fight a Gorilla 

By now you’ve probably seen the most absurd trend in social media this year. No, not Britney Spears dance-crying for help. The trend asking social media whether or not 100 men could defeat one gorilla. 

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The answer itself is pretty simple – no. There’s no way 100 normal men could defeat a gorilla. I mean, at least not 100 Chris Marlers. I bruise like a peach and am scared of garden snakes. I can’t imagine how scared I’d be of a gorilla. But, 100 non-normal men? Yeah, that’s up for debate. 

So me and 104.5 ESPN’s Alondra Villarreal came up with the definitive list of 98 very specific men (and two women) that absolutely could beat up a gorilla. Here’s our list. 

  1. Takeo Spikes 
  2. Glenn Dorsey 
  3. Ed Orgeron
  4. Derrick Henry
  5. Laron Landry
  6. Bill Belichick’s girlfriend but we tell her the Gorilla asked how they met
  7. James Harrison
  8. That white guy from The Program 
  9. That black guy from The Program
  10. Marler when a targeting call goes against his team in a crucial spot (editor’s note: absolutely not)
  11. Dan Campbell 
  12. Paul Skenes with a handful of rocks 
  13. Smoke Monday 
  14. Derrick Brown 
  15. The 2015 Alabama D-Line
  16. The 2015 Alabama D-Line
  17. The 2015 Alabama D-Line
  18. The 2015 Alabama D-Line
  19. The 2015 Alabama D-Line
  20. The 2021 UGA D-Line 
  21. The 2021 UGA D-Line
  22. The 2021 UGA D-Line
  23. The 2021 UGA D-Line
  24. The 2021 UGA D-Line
  25. The 2021 UGA D-Line
  26. The 2012 Alabama O-Line
  27. The 2012 Alabama O-Line
  28. The 2012 Alabama O-Line
  29. The 2012 Alabama O-Line
  30. The 2012 Alabama O-Line 
  31. Aaron Hernandez 
  32. Tyrann Mathieu 
  33. Brian Dawkins 
  34. 2008 Tim Tebow 
  35. A couple of Samoans
  36. A couple of Samoans
  37. The Rock 
  38. Mickey Loomis (overconfidence and can afford to lose him) 
  39. 1980 Herschel Walker
  40. Anytime Bo Jackson 
  41. Rolando McClain 
  42. DJ Swearinger 
  43. Greg Blue 
  44. Odell Thurman 
  45. Patrick Willis 
  46. 2018 Devin White 
  47. Diego Pavia (born winner)
  48. Whiskey & Wine T-Bob after a loss 
  49. 2014 Shawn Oakman 
  50. Dan Wolken (front line) 
  51. Citrus Bowl Jadeveon Clowney after a bad call 
  52. Shawn Jordan 
  53. Myles Garrett 
  54. 2007 LSU vs Florida Jacob Hester 
  55. Taylor Mays 
  56. 2007 Jonathan Papelbon 
  57. 1995 Albert Belle 
  58. Reuben Foster 
  59. Tony Brown 
  60. 2010 Nick Fairley
  61. That guy on the plane screaming “I wanna shake your hand”
  62. Leonard Fournette (not against Alabama)
  63. NdamuKong Suh 
  64. Lawrence Taylor (on crack only)
  65. Lavarr Arrington 
  66. 1993 Shaquille O’Neal
  67. Chad Baker-Mazara
  68. 1986 Brian Bosworth 
  69. Ray Lewis 
  70. Kevin Faulk
  71. 1998 Al Wilson
  72. 8 Miller Lite Gronk
  73. Katy Perry
  74. Erk Russell
  75. 1994 OJ Simpson
  76. Goldberg (not the Mighty Ducks one)
  77. 1999 Stone Cold Steve Austin 
  78. 2010 Brian Cushing 
  79. 2020 Bryson DeChambeau 
  80. 2013 Vontaze Burfict 
  81. White boys outside of Tigerland at 2 am
  82. White boys outside of Tigerland at 2 am
  83. White boys outside of Tigerland at 2 am
  84. White boys outside of Tigerland at 2 am
  85. White boys outside of Tigerland at 2 am
  86. White boys outside of Tigerland at 2 am
  87. White boys outside of Tigerland at 2 am
  88. White boys outside of Tigerland at 2 am
  89. White boys outside of Tigerland at 2 am
  90. Shawn Merriman
  91. Desmond Watson 
  92. Scott Cochran 
  93. 2003 DC Muschamp 
  94. Ed Reed 
  95. Jonathan Vilma
  96. 2015 Nick Chubb 
  97. Sean Taylor 
  98. 2018 Orange Bowl Josh Jacobs 
  99. Thomas Davis 
  100. Bill Romanowski
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