By Chris Marler
It’s week three of the SEC football season, and it’s time to pour a double because it’s the opening weekend for half the league playing conference games. Time to put up or shut, but most importantly time to drink up.
Georgia at Tennessee
Georgia has won eight in a row over Tennessee, even as Josh Heupel has delivered one of the nation’s top offenses in every season he’s led the Vols.
He hasn’t scored over 17 points in any game against Kirby Smart and Georgia.
I think this is Tennessee’s best chance to win since Heupel has been there. Plus, I think we’re putting too much stock into the Georgia–Austin Peay box score when evaluating this team.
The Winning
Georgia 28, Tennessee 20
The Boozing
Jack & Coke.
There are few things more “SEC” than a Jack and Coke. There are few things more “SEC” than this former SEC East rivalry being played in Neyland Stadium on a beautiful fall Saturday. There’s a lot of history in this game, and it’s a rivalry full of nostalgia. Just like the game pick, don’t over think the drink.
Arkansas at Ole Miss
The closer we get to this game, the more I like Arkansas. Taylen Green leads the SEC in touchdowns with 11 through two games. I don’t think Arkansas is necessarily a great team this year, but I do think they’ll be able to put up yards and points on an Ole Miss defense that has a lot of new faces on it. I also don’t trust Austin Simmons to protect the football. That was the issue with Taylen Green a year ago, and we saw what it did to Arkansas in big games.
Sam Pittman is capable of winning big games. He’s going to win another on Saturday.
The Winning
Arkansas 34, Ole Miss 28
The Boozing
Grateful Dead.
This drink fits perfectly. It kicks off one of the two drunkest SEC games we get every year, and fittingly, both are happening on the same day. A Grateful Dead is literally just a Long Island Iced Tea with raspberry liqueur and sometimes blue curacao.
The winner will be grateful, and the loser will probably wish they were dead when they have to meet with their bosses in December for their end of year review.
Texas A&M at Notre Dame
The Aggies head to South Bend for a rematch of last year’s season opener. Notre Dame is fresh off a bye week, because naturally, they’d get one after just a single game. When you’re not in an actual conference there’s not a conference schedule to grind through.
I like this Texas A&M team so far, and I hate myself for believing in them. Regardless, both things can be true at the same time. Marcel Reed has been great so far, especially in the passing game.
The Winning
Texas A&M 31, Notre Dame 30
The Boozing
Maroon Communion.
Nothing says Catholics vs Cult more than Maroon Communion. Mix 1.5 ounces of mezcal, an ounce of hibiscus syrup, half an ounce of lime juice, and 2 ounces of club soda. Careful not to spill it on your all-white altar boy robe or your milkman cheerleader uniform, depending on which side you’re pulling for.
Both of these programs feel a little desperate for this win considering what it would mean for them on a national stage. This drink is perfect for both sides because it’s delicious enough to drink for the entire 60-minute game, and strong enough to convince you that the loser isn’t going 8-4. Again.
Looking at you, Texas A&M.
Vanderbilt at South Carolina
I think this may actually be the best game of the weekend, to be honest. These are two very evenly matched teams. South Carolina has beaten Vanderbilt 16 years in a row. That goes to 17 on Saturday.
All Vanderbilt had to do this offseason was be quiet. I don’t mean Diego Pavia, either. Vanderbilt offensive lineman Bryce Henderson said this earlier in the week, “Nobody really talks about the Commodores. I think after we go in there and show these guys what’s what, people are gonna open their eyes up a little bit. All we know is we’re gonna play our football, and we know that we can beat them and we’re gonna go in there and do it.”
Buddy, we are talking about Vanderbilt more than we have in the history of Vanderbilt. They’re going to be talking about them all season, too. This Saturday night they’ll just be talking about them being 2-1.
The Winning
South Carolina 27, Vanderbilt 23
The Boozing
Amaretto Sour.
Story time. My freshman year of college I was super straight-laced and had never touched a drink. That changed fast during ADPi’s Kentucky Derby formal at the end of spring semester, when I decided Amaretto Sours were my gateway. Five of them later, 19 years old and trying way too hard to fit in, I was a hammered college athlete flailing through “Shout” and “Brown Eyed Girl” with zero sense of rhythm.
Just the biggest of yikes for your boy. Finally, a bartender pulled me aside and said, “Hey man, stop ordering these and get a beer. You look ridiculous, and I can’t take you seriously.”
That’s what this game reminds me of. It has a “freshman’s first time drinking” type of vibe in regards to how everyone else around the conference views these two teams and this specific game.
Florida at LSU
I’m not sure what Florida fans were serving at their tailgates a week ago, but I do know South Florida served them a heaping dose of humility on the field. Expect more of the same on Saturday.
Brian Kelly has to be thrilled with how the first two weeks of the season have gone. A dominant win on the road at Clemson, followed up by a lackluster performance against Louisiana Tech. It took one week for people to already start doubting LSU.
Love it: LSU at night, in a revenge game. Tigers by a million (or at least ten). I think you’ll see a Florida team that comes out playing inspired to start the game, and keeps it close for a half. After halftime, LSU will run them out of the building.
The Winning
LSU 31, Florida 17
The Boozing
Jungle Juice.
The drunkest game of the year in the SEC every year is here. I’m talking shoe throws, endless fourth down conversions, and two of the most hostile environments in all of college football. A metaphorical Swamp in Gainesville and literal swamps in the great state of Louisiana. Tigers. Gators.
Jungle Juice is the only drink for this game. Get some Everclear, get a bunch of fresh fruit, fruit juice, Sprite, and just for good measure another bottle of Everclear. Pour it all into a giant cooler and have yourself a night to forget.
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