By Chris Marler
Week 4 is the calm before the storm.
Tulane at Ole Miss
Two of the original members of the SEC are set to face off in Oxford this weekend. Ole Miss has done its absolute best to stay untested in non-conference play for the last several years. The attempt was made, but it will come to an end on Saturday. Tulane is arguably the best G6 school in the country and a legitimate threat to make the College Football Playoff.
A lot of that is because of BYU transfer quarterback Jake Retzlaff. The Green Wave are already 2-0 this season against Power Four teams with wins over Duke and Northwestern.
The Winning
Ole Miss 38, Tulane 28
The Boozing
Dealer’s Choice.
It can be a Sex on the Beach in honor of Jake Retzlaff’s honor code violation that got him kicked out of BYU this year. If I’m not making it clear by now – you can drink a “sex” on the Beach to help “soak” your sorrows away. Or you can make a trip to Outback Steakhouse for their Shark Cocktail the Aussie JAWsie.
The best part about 2024, in my opinion, was the resurgence of childhood nostalgia masked mediocrity. Creed made a comeback, people finally admitted that Nickelback wasn’t that bad and the chain restaurant was back in a big way. Thank Goodness, because I was tired of pretending that “With Arms Wide Open” wasn’t an absolute banger and that Awesome Blossoms and that weird brown bread from Outback won’t always be delicious.
Auburn at Oklahoma
The game I’m most eager to see this weekend isn’t because it promises to be great, it’s because I can’t handle another round of these fanbases arguing over who deserved to get run over by USC in the national championship.
This game is simple. I think Jackson Arnold has a good game and wasn’t the issue last year in Norman. Well, he wasn’t the only issue. I think John Mateer has a great game and he might throw for a million yards against a pass defense that ranks No. 14 in the SEC.
I’d like to use the rest of my time for a history lesson on what has become the most incorrect rewriting of history in SEC football in the last 25 to 50 years. I’m talking about Auburn’s 2004 team that went 13-0, yet some people still convince themselves they deserved a spot in the national title game over Oklahoma. They didn’t.
People love to bring up Auburn going undefeated in the SEC that year, but fun fact: Auburn’s strength of schedule ranked 55th. Oklahoma’s was No. 11, USC’s No. 5. Those teams also went undefeated. They also featured three Heisman trophy winners combined and Adrian Peterson. 2004 Auburn would’ve gotten smoked, too.
Serious question for Oklahoma fans – what goes on here: pic.twitter.com/tvdjuECZyb
— Auburn Einstein (@AuburnEinstein) September 18, 2025
The Winning
Oklahoma 34, Auburn 20
The Boozing
A Tiger Blood Margarita.
This is the perfect drink for a number of reasons. One, margaritas are always delicious. Make sure this one is served specifically in a way to pay homage to each team. Add a layer of grenadine for the Auburn “tiger blood.” Also, be sure to stir the margarita instead of shaking it. That’s for two reasons. First, the swirling motion mimics a tornado and this game is in Oklahoma, so it fits. More importantly, a margarita isn’t “real” if it’s shaken. And, neither are national championships if you claim them 80 years after they happen. That didn’t stop Auburn, though.
South Carolina at Missouri
This feels like a command v (copy-paste) version of South Carolina vs. Vanderbilt from a week ago. Especially if LaNorris Sellers is out.
The Winning
Missouri 28, South Carolina 17
The Boozing
A juicebox.
Both of these coaches are great, but both of these coaches look like they are 12-years-old. Get a Yeti full of Ecto Coolers and call it a day.
Oregon State at Oregon
Oregon truly is a beautiful state. And, I love that these teams are continuing what was once called the “Civil War” before being renamed for sensitivity reasons. Fittingly ironic, since Oregon wasn’t exactly a major Civil War player. I kid, of course.
Regardless, unlike the state and Pacific Northwest, this game won’t be pretty.
Oregon State’s defense is a disaster 🚨
111th in total defense
117th vs the pass
123rd in sacks per gameThe Beavs aren’t just struggling, they’re broken. pic.twitter.com/ZFTDt18nnz
— Pac-12 Daily (@Pac12Daily) September 18, 2025
The Winning
Oregon 100, Oregon State 3
The Boozing
Kombucha.
Whatever that is.
Michigan at Nebraska
These two teams split a national title in 1997 thanks to Charles Woodson’s Heisman season and a phantom kicked ball against Missouri that kept Nebraska undefeated.
This will be a great game for old heads that miss the good ol’ days of blue blood brands being more relevant in modern college football. Dylan Railoa has been awesome with eight touchdowns and zero interceptions this season.
The Winning
Nebraska 24, Michigan 20
The Boozing
Zima.
Besides Monica Lewinsky and chain wallets, nothing was ostracized as quickly as Zimas. That’s basically what happened to Nebraska football after Y2K, as well. Unlike Zima, they actually might be back.
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