By Chris Marler
The run to the liquor store and putting off yard work hasn’t felt this justified in quite some time. The Week 5 slate is absolutely loaded. We get multiple ranked matchups, including two of the biggest SEC showdowns of the year.
Crack one open. Let’s get to it.
LSU at Ole Miss
The closer we get to kickoff, the more uneasy I feel about LSU. We don’t really know how good Trinidad Chambliss is after just two games, and to be fair, we don’t fully know how good LSU and Garrett Nussmeier are either, considering how poor Clemson and Florida have looked this season.
In matchups like this, I start with what I trust most, and that’s LSU’s defense. Even with some early injuries, there aren’t many weaknesses. In games like this, the cream usually rises to the top. Harold Perkins and Mansoor Delane should both shine, but my boldest prediction is that LSU wideout Chris Hilton steps up and delivers a breakout performance on Saturday.
The Winning
LSU 27, Ole Miss 24
The Boozing
The Parrain.
The God-FATHER. There’s a storyline that ties in. You get it. It’s a twist on a Sazerac, which people from either state should love since it’s a staple of New Orleans where it originated. However, the Parrain is made with cognac. Add in a little simple syrup, some Angostura bitters and stir. Maybe add extra bitters since that’s a good way to describe this rivalry, and how Lane Kiffin will probably feel about LSU’s star defender, Whit Weeks, dating his daughter after they lose on Saturday.
Lane Kiffin’s daughter hard launched her new boyfriend today who plays for LSU…
Lane Kiffin weighed in 😂
(via @LandryKiffin / @MikeyOver1) pic.twitter.com/2C0cBj0bWA
— br_betting (@br_betting) September 23, 2025
Alabama at Georgia
Alabama has beaten two very bad teams. They also got whipped by Florida State on the road. All five of Kalen DeBoer’s losses at Alabama have come on the road. Fun fact, this game is being played on the road. Oh, and another fun fact, they’re playing it at Georgia in Sanford Stadium. The place where Georgia has lost one game since 2017.
Alabama can’t run the ball, and Ty Simpson finished 3-of-14 for when under pressure against Florida State. Kirby Smart will blitz him all night. Don’t overthink this.
The Winning
Georgia 31, Alabama 20
The Boozing
A Crown Royal Manhattan.
You could’ve done a crown and seven for the seven losses to Alabama under Kirby Smart. You could’ve also gone with a crown and water to signify how much more watered down and diluted this “rivalry” has become since Texas came into the conference and Nick Saban retired. Plus, water puts out fires and as one guy likes to put it, Bama is burning.
Make it a Crown Manhattan. It makes sense considering that these two teams have been crowned SEC Champions each of the last five years and ten of the last 11. Plus, whichever quarterback wins on Saturday night may just vault himself into the Heisman conversation in New York later this year whether it be Gunner Stockton or Ty Simpson.
Notre Dame at Arkansas
I’m pulling for the Hogs for a number of reasons. One, I want Sam Pittman to coach in this league forever. Two, I feel horrible for Arkansas fans after last week. They went into the Memphis game with a red zone offense that was 17-of-17 with 17 touchdowns to start the season. That came to a crashing halt with an interception and a fumble, both of which came in the fourth quarter.
Arkansas needs this win. Notre Dame doesn’t. After all, it’s not like they won’t be ranked even if they lose.
Notre Dame became just the sixth team to be ranked in the top 25 in AP Poll history after starting the season 0-2 📈📉 pic.twitter.com/Mbk5TX47BX
— FOX College Football (@CFBONFOX) September 14, 2025
The Winning
Arkansas 34, Notre Dame 33
The Boozing
Communion wine.
It’s perfect since one of these teams will be praying to God for a change after Saturday. Any red wine will do, but perhaps a Cab Sav from Wild Boar vineyards in Napa.
Auburn at Texas A&M
This game is somehow flying under the radar which tells you how absolutely loaded this weekend’s slate is. Texas A&M is coming off of a bye week. Auburn is coming off of a cry week, courtesy of the refs. How well can they recover and circle the wagons in College Station?
Auburn has held their own against the Aggies since they entered the conference going 7-6 in their 13 games played. They have lost their last two trips to Aggieland. The story of this game is how well Auburn can bounce back and how well they can defend the pass against a much improved Marcel Reed at quarterback.
The Winning
Texas A&M 28, Auburn 23
The Boozing
Vodka and kool-aid.
Kool-aid is the mixer for this game because that’s what cults drink after they take off their shoes and shave their heads. Auburn and Texas A&M are the biggest cults in college football. Two fanbases who love their school to the cringiest of levels. Two fanbases that will look at you with a straight face and say it’s normal to wear a class ring over the age of 18 and recite a creed pledging your allegiance to a school because “it’s just different down there.”
Texas A&M has more yell leaders than Texas has
– First Round Draft Picks in the last decade
– Top 25 finishes in the last decade
– Wins vs TCU, Arkansas, Ole Miss, BYU, and Maryland combined over the last decade(17 games played) pic.twitter.com/hBvJVArGAG— Chance (@chance_bitters) July 28, 2021
Honestly, the level of not caring what other fans think of your weird traditions is respectable, Aggie and Auburn fans. But, it’s still weird. It’s super weird.
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