It’s been a long offseason. Usually that time off serves as a break from the chaos and levels of drunkenness that college football tends to get each season. I think we all remember how long it took our livers to recover from that 2007 season, and don’t even get us started on 2019. Last season didn’t end with a celebration for anyone in Baton Rouge, or the SEC, for that matter.
Still, it felt like most of the offseason was nothing more than a bender for most college football fans. A fever dream of absurdity from January to basically Tuesday of this week. Quarterbacks going to gambling rehab, playoff expansion, and now NFL players are returning to college. Those are just the highlights. Or, lowlights if we are being honest.
We’ve never needed Dolly Parton or college football more than we do right now. Sadly we are only getting one of those, but at least we are finally getting it this week. It’s been too long since we’ve had a quadbox of bad games on YouTubeTV, consumed irresponsible amounts of fireball, and yelled about running the damn ball while nearly choking on a chicken tender from Cane’s. But, college football is back and so are we.
If you’re new here, we do this every week. It’s winning and boozing. We pick out a game and not only give you a preview and prediction, but we also tell you exactly what you’ll need to drink or eat at the tailgate. Welcome back, and cheers!
TCU vs North Carolina
The first game of the year for one of America’s oldest sports will naturally be played at 11 a.m. in Ireland. Why? I don’t have an answer for that. But, maybe it’s because Bill Belichick thought he could get a few days away from his 25-year-old girlfriend Jordon. Maybe it’s because everyone on UNC’s campus needs a break from this coaching staff. Or, maybe it’s because Belichick is going to get fired on the tarmac like Lane Kiffin did, but this time it will be at the international level.
Both these teams have had a rough couple of months in the offseason. The Belichick experiment has failed pretty miserably in Chapel Hill, and in Ft. Worth, one TCU player has been dismissed from the team after a fight in the locker room sent one of his teammates to the hospital. With the level of dysfunction for the teams in this game, they honestly should have aired it on Bravo.
The Winning
TCU 34 UNC 20
North Carolina is going to be one of the worst teams in the country this season at the power four level. TCU has a lot of pieces to replace from last year’s team as well. Remember, their quarterback transferred to Indiana, and offensive coordinator took the same job at South Carolina. Whatever the Horned Frogs have is still more than North Carolina though, as the Tar Heels announced just two days ago that their defensive coordinator would not make the trip to Dublin. It feels like this will be the first of many embarrassments for the Tar Heels this season. Take TCU and the points.
The Boozing
Irish Car Bomb.
Forget the actual ingredients. We are in Dublin for the game, so the cliche of having a car bomb obviously fits, but we don’t really need the real ingredients. So, you can forget about the Guiness, Jameson, and Baileys. These two programs have been such dumpster fires this offseason, no one will notice if you just fill the pint glass up with mainly Jameson, a touch of Guinness for color, and the rest with actual kerosene. Just tell them that’s how the locals do it and let them get a head start on forgetting the misery that awaits them Saturday and all season long.
