Welcome back to the weekend, and welcome back to another edition of Winning & Boozing. The only weekly article on the internet where we not only provide picks and previews for the biggest games, we also tell you exactly what booze you’ll need at the Saturday tailgate.
Cheers to another weekend of SEC football.
Vanderbilt at Auburn
Fun fact, Vanderbilt actually holds the all-time lead in this series. They’ve also won each of the last two games against the Tigers. You wouldn’t know that if you talked to Auburn fans, who much like my Uncle Gary’s terrible crewcut, are living in the past. Auburn needs a win here, but my goodness would it be hilarious if they lost to Vandy. Again.
The Winning
Vanderbilt 28, Auburn 27
The Boozing
Cuba Libre. What an exotic sounding drink. The way it rolls off the tongue. Cuba Libre. It’s exotic. It’s sexy.
It’s a damn rum and coke y’all. With a lime. That’s it.
And, just like the exaggerated history and lore of the magic of Jordan-Hare Stadium, it’s extremely overrated. There’s no magic in Jordan-Hare anymore. Just like bell bottom’s and Jelly Roll’s public image, the magic is also dead.
Texas A&M at LSU
The point spread may seem high, but it’s not. Texas A&M is a bad football team.
Many of the concerns surrounding LSU and quarterback Sam Leavitt after last week could be neutralized against an Aggies’ defense that has struggled to pressure quarterbacks and force mistakes. They are last in the SEC in sacks (4) and have just five interceptions in their last 16 games dating to the start of last season.
LSU football coach Lane Kiffin is 6-0 in his last six games coming off a loss. Three of those games were against ranked teams and five were against SEC teams. He won those six games by an average of 16 points per game and only two were within single digits.
The Winning
LSU 34, Texas A&M 20
The Boozing
An Irish Coffee. Well, an Irish coffee for LSU fans. Call it an Irish Iced Mocha Frappaccino for Texas A&M fans. Nothing screams “I live for $10 Starbucks drinks with four-word names and 60 grams of sugar” quite like the Texas A&M fanbase. This drink is perfect because both teams will need a lot of caffeine to stay up for yet another night game. The loser will also need it to not only drown their sorrows, but also as an added pep in their step with the gauntlet that each team faces in the final two months of the season.
Texas at Tennessee
Texas is ranked No. 1 in the country because they’ve played one good, meaningful quarter of football this season. Before their fourth-quarter comeback against Ohio State, they ran 38 plays for 100 yards.
They spent $50 million building a roster this offseason that looked like the Avengers on paper. Through three games, though, that offense has produced just nine plays of 20-plus yards, while the defense has managed only five sacks. Now, that defense has to face what may be the best offensive line in the country.
At least they get to play this game at home where Arch Manning thrives. Oh wait, that’s not happening either.
Arch Manning and Texas were terrible in true road games last year. They went 2-3 and the two wins were one score games against Kentucky and Mississippi State. In those games Manning completed just 57.5% of his passes and threw an interception in four of the five.
Then, there is Tennessee which has started better than any other program in the country. The Vols have scored first in 53 of their 68 games under head coach Josh Heupel. That means they’ve scored first in 78% of their games under him.
They’re going to get the ball first, score on script and not only will Tennessee win this game, but they will never trail in the entire 60 minutes.
It won’t be the first field storm in Neyland history, but it will be the first in broad daylight.
The Winning
Tennessee 27, Texas 23
The Boozing
An Aperol Spritz. I don’t know, I’ve never had one. I just know they’re orange and that the people who order them usually think way too highly of themselves. That suits these two fanbases and programs perfectly.
Ole Miss at Florida
There is zero part of me that wants to pick Florida here. However, since 1978, only four teams ranked in the top five have been underdogs against a team ranked outside of the Top 20. All four of the lower-ranked teams that were favored not only covered the spread, but they won outright.
In fact, that same scenario has happened only twice since 1995 and the two lower-ranked teams won by a combined 49 points in those games.
If that wasn’t bad enough, there’s also the fact that all the public money is pouring in on Ole Miss, and that’s never the side you want to be on. As of Thursday morning, over 75% of the public money and bets are on Ole Miss to win or cover the spread.
The Winning
Florida 30, Ole Miss 28
The Boozing
A bottle of wine. That’s usually what you give to someone when you owe them an apology, and I apparently owe one to Ole Miss fans, and the state of Mississippi, from what I gathered last week. I’ve written this article for 13 years, and it took all 13 for it to come across the desk of people from the Magnolia state. Every week we make jokes about every team, every fan base, and every cliche drink order imaginable.
No fanbase has ever had more (fake) outrage than Ole Miss did last week after I made fun of them for being “Mississippi Rich.” So here’s a bottle of wine to say sorry and no hard feelings. I would’ve gotten a nice red because that’s what I, a man of culture and sophistication would drink. But, I got y’all a warm bottle of Kim Crawford Chardonnay. The low calorie one too! Why? Because that’s what people who are Mississippi rich probably love. Right?
