MARLER: Penn State is college football’s Jurassic Park

By Chris Marler

Death, taxes, and Penn State being ranked in the top five of a preseason poll. 

A program that has long benefited from its legacy and soft schedule is now poised to gain even more credibility with the arrival of the 12-team playoff. As we learned last year it’s not who you beat that matters to the CFP committee, it’s how many wins you accrue on the way to doing it. 

The Big Ten has essentially been a three-team league for decades. Still not convinced? Start by looking at which programs have actually been relevant and then look at the quality of the teams they’ve beaten. It’s a short list.

From 2021 to 2023 Michigan played seven total ranked opponents in the regular season, and from 2022 to 2024 Penn State played the same. Of Michigan’s seven top-25 opponents, six were either Ohio State or Penn State. For Penn State, five of their ranked matchups were against Ohio State or Michigan.

They’ve been more top heavy than Dolly Parton.

What we are doing with Penn State is the same thing we do every year. It’s like Jurassic Park but with college football. 

Great roster, good head coach, iconic helmets and home stadium, and a schedule that has two potential pit stops. Time to start believing. Nevermind that James Franklin is 1-14 against top-five teams, and 3-17 against top-ten teams. This is the year it’s really going to change. 

No, for real. 

It’s Jurassic Park, and we’ve seen this movie. We’ve seen it over and over and over again. 

You mean to tell me you put yourself on an island full of prehistoric predators and something went wrong? Again? I am shocked. Shocked, I tell you. 

Just like Jurassic Park we will pay to go see this over and over and over again, even though we know the outcome. You mean to tell me the white out game didn’t matter and they’re 2-7 in those games under Franklin? Again, shocking. 

It doesn’t matter. This is the present and future we have made for ourselves. It’s not just the CFP committee’s fault. Even though it was painfully obvious that the moment they expanded to 12 teams it was going to benefit teams like Notre Dame and Penn State no matter what. Teams that have a ceiling and floor of 10-2 every year. 

There’s something to be said for that. It’s still impressive and a lot of hard work goes into that. I’m sure a lot of hard work went into that last Jurassic Park World Dominion, too, but just because you added scenes with parkour and dinosaurs on ice doesn’t mean it’s any more fun to watch. 

Sure, there will be strong seasons, too. Last year was nearly a dream run for Penn State, until it unraveled in the final moments against Notre Dame in Miami. That 2015 installment of Jurassic Park with skinny Chris Pratt was great, but we know the fall off is still coming. Just like we know the ceiling for Penn State isn’t going to be shattered anytime soon. 

That’s what history has shown us, along with the fact that T-Rex and Triceratops have never played nice, no matter the era.