By Chris Marler
It’s Friday which means it’s time for my favorite weekly tradition. I love writing and talking about college football all week. You know what I love more than that though? Every Friday when my boss and editor allow me to talk about all that AND alcohol.
Here’s Week Nine of winning and boozing featuring previews, picks, and most importantly the exact drink you’ll need at the biggest tailgates this weekend. Cheers!
Texas A&M at LSU
The sky is falling in Baton Rouge. That’s what it feels like at least. But don’t worry LSU fans. I’m here to gas you up and tell you some facts, stats, and pep talks to get out of this funk.
Yes, LSU has been disappointing this season. Yes, LSU is heading into November with (at least) two losses for the fourth straight season under Brian Kelly. Yes, the offense kind of sucks, but chin up because there’s some good news.
Texas A&M is still Texas A&M.
The Aggies are 7-0, but have only played two games away from home. In those two games, they’ve allowed over 40 points in each. In fact, dating back to last season, they’re allowing 40.8 points per game in their last five road games, including 42.3 ppg in their last four SEC road games. They lead the SEC in third down conversions allowed at 23 percent, but that number nearly doubles to 44 percent (11-of-25) away from home.
This is the week that Garrett Nussmeier figures it out. The run game may not ever get going, but Aaron Anderson, Trey’Dez Green and one of the other sub 4.4 guys at wideout will emerge this Saturday night in Tiger Stadium.
The Winning
LSU 34, Texas A&M 28
The Boozing
Two percent milk.
I don’t know what those weirdos in College Station drink. I do know that they dress up like milk men and do way too many finger guns and jazz hands than anyone should be comfortable with. They’re the kind of fanbase that my grandma would pray for and my grandpa would disown entirely after they announce that they’re going to theater camp instead of playing baseball in the summer.
Happy Birthday to Senior Yell Leader, Kipp Knecht! Texas A&M is lucky to have such a great Aggie to lead the 12th Man this year!
Gig’em Kipp! pic.twitter.com/INbr2xmrSC
— Texas A&M Yell Leaders (@TAMUyell) October 2, 2022
Missouri at Vanderbilt
It’s the best game of the week. These two teams are legit, and it’s fitting that we are closing the second month of one of the most parity driven seasons in SEC football with this matchup deciding which former basement dweller will have an inside track to make the College Football playoff with a win Saturday.
I love the makeup of both these teams. Missouri has the best pass rush duo in the conference and one of the best running backs in America. Vanderbilt has Diego Pavia, the best tight end in the country in Eli Stowers, and a roster full of grown ass 25 year old adults playing their sixth and seventh year of college football. They’re basically BYU without the Mormon mission trips.
Missouri is the more talented team, but games like this usually come down to who makes the fewest mistakes. Vanderbilt leads the SEC in sacks allowed with just five all season, and Beau Pribula has not only thrown two interceptions in his last two games each, but he’s also failed to complete over 60 percent of his passes in any conference game this season.
The Winning
Vanderbilt 27, Missouri 24
The Boozing
Hoptimus Prime IPA from Ruckus Brewing.
These two schools are universally looked by SEC fans as the biggest nerds in the conference. Sorry for being smart, I guess. So, what do nerds drink? IPAs, duh. Double points for an IPA themed after a transformer because that feels about as nerdy as you can get.
Also, there is an actual Nerds themed liquor drink after the candy. But any adult person that mixes vodka, blue curacao and marshmallow fluff into a drink should be sent straight to jail.
Stick to the IPA though. I’m not sure if it’s something you’ll find in any honky tonk themed bar on Broadway slinging $8 Bud Lights, but grab a few for the tailgate. Make sure you save some for after the game too because at nine percent ABV it will help drown the sorrows for whatever team loses.
Auburn at Arkansas
I have absolutely zero desire to break down this game. There is no telling what will happen, or what either of these wild cards and walking liabilities are capable of doing on any given Saturday. Auburn’s offense is terrible. Arkansas’ defense is terrible. Auburn’s head coach has questionable morals. Arkansas’ coach has questionable morals. Auburn’s fanbase is once again asking “why God, why.” Arkansas’ fanbase has been asking that question for over a decade.
Give me the team with the most talent on offense, and the defense that should be able to get at least one stop.
The Winning
Auburn 30, Arkansas 28
The Boozing
Liquid Truth Serum IPA from Dogfish Head Brewery.
First and foremost, let’s get two things clear. IPAs suck, and they taste like socks. Two, Dogfish head is located in one of the most underrated party spots in the country Dewey Beach, Delaware. Technically it’s located in Rehoboth Beach which is the next town over, but trust me, it is elite. Shoutout Starboard.
Anyways, forget Happy Hour. We need to have an honesty hour about Hugh Freeze and Bobby Petrino. That’s why this seven percent ABV American India Pale Ale is the perfect choice because there are a lot of people at these two programs that we desperately need to have an honest conversation with.
Petrino isn’t in trouble, but the truth I want to hear from Arkansas is what we all know already – he’s getting the head coaching job in Fayetteville at the end of the year. We don’t care about the motorcycle anymore, we all just want Arkansas fans to have some happiness and joy for a change. If that comes from a 60 something year old offensive guru who has basically been Lane Kiffin but make it a Harley Davidson edition, then fine.
“So you paid nearly $11 million to fire Gene Chizik, 21.5M for Gus Malzahn, and 15M to get rid of Harsin?”
“Yes, Dave”
“And now you’re considering another 15M for Hugh?”
“Yep”
“And you’ll replace him with a guy with a big buyout?”
“Dave, not gonna lie, that’s correct too” pic.twitter.com/QwYoZa21NA
— College Football Nerds (@CFBNerds) October 24, 2025
As for Auburn, we are over it. We are over the lies. And, most importantly we are over you gaslighting all of us, as well as yourselves, into thinking Hugh Freeze deserves to still have a job. After four to five of these, Auburn AD John Cohen should be relaxed enough to admit that Freeze being 1-12 against ranked opponents is a fireable offense regardless of whatever delusional lie you told yourself about it being the refs fault.
After six and seven, it should be time to admit that hiring someone primarily because they beat Alabama twice in a row a decade ago was a pretty big lapse in judgement. Then by the time beer ten is polished off, it might be time for Cohen, and everyone else in the fanbase, to admit that Bryan Harsin wasn’t as big of a problem or villain that he was made out to be.
After beer 12, you should call him. Not to get him back, but to apologize.
Alabama at South Carolina
This should not be a close game given how each team is playing this season. That alone is probably reason enough that it will be a close game. South Carolina is a bad team, and an absolute nightmare offensively. They rank 100th or worse nationally in almost every major statistical category on that side of the ball including No. 116 in scoring (20.1) and No. 129 in yards per game (297.7).
But is there a path? Of course there is under Kalen DeBoer.
DeBoer is phenomenal against ranked opponents. He’s 19-3 against Top 25 teams as an FBS head coach, and just became the first head coach in SEC history to win four straight games against Top 25 teams in four consecutive weeks. But in his 14 losses, 12 have come on the road, 11 have come against unranked teams, and seven have been as a double digit favorite.
South Carolina checks all those boxes. Too bad Mike Shula is involved, and it won’t matter in the slightest.
USC Students have planned a protest against OC Mike Shula tomorrow at 3 PM. pic.twitter.com/R2xAaihfwv
— Famously Garnet Sports (@FamouslyGarnet) October 20, 2025
The Winning
Alabama 30, South Carolina 10
The Boozing
Jaegerbombs.
This may be a conference game between two SEC schools, but this is the battle for New Jersey. Few schools have more out of state enrollment in their student body than Alabama and South Carolina. South Carolina sits at 48 percent and Alabama has one of the highest of any SEC school at a whopping 58 percent.
The Jersey Shore may be 684 miles away from Williams-Brice Stadium, but the winner of this game Saturday will be crowned with a caesar cut, tribal arm tattoo, and lifetime supply of Jaegarbombs.
It’s even more fitting because that sentence alone feels like time traveling back to 2010 and watching episodes about GTL and Sammy and Ron drama on MTV every Thursday night. Real ones know. That’s also the last time South Carolina beat Alabama behind Stephen Garcia’s 17-of-20 performance en route to a 35-21 win over No. 1 Alabama. And, I have it on good authority that Garcia had several Jaegerbombs in Five Points that night fifteen years ago.
8 years ago today… @GamecockFB upset No. 1 Bama 🤙
Stephen Garcia threw three touchdown passes, two to Alshon Jeffrey, and Marcus Lattimore scored three times as then 19th-ranked South Carolina stunned No. 1 Alabama 35-21. How do you remember it, #Gamecocks? pic.twitter.com/AOc57vcVrQ
— South Carolina Gamecocks (@GamecocksOnline) October 9, 2018
Tennessee at Kentucky
The Vols have owned this rivalry. They have a 84-29-9 series lead all-time against Kentucky. The Wildcats have won twice in Lexington since the Reagan administration against Tennessee.
Both these teams are a little banged up with the Vols playing their eighth straight game without their starting cornerbacks, and Ketnucky having a league leading 12 players on their most recent injury report including eight players out for Saturday’s contest.
The Vols once again have one of the best offenses in the country, but their defensive struggles have been as abundant as they’ve been problematic. They rank 110th in scoring defense giving up 30.4 ppg and rank 121st in passing yards allowed at 257.9 ypg. That’s not great news considering Kentucky redshirt freshman QB Cutter Boley may have found himself last week against Texas. Kentucky lost the game, but Boley finished 31-of-39 against a really good Texas defense.
Tennessee is just 1-4 against the spread in their last five games, but this feels like a statement game. It honestly feels like it almost has to be.
The Winning
Tennessee 31, Kentucky 17
The Boozing
Kentucky Pumpkin Barrel Ale from Lexington Brewing and Distillery in Lexington, Kentucky.
Specifically in a keg, though. This is a fun one and pretty self explanatory. Halloween is in a week, so a pumpkin ale is perfect. They also have a tangerine cream ale which fits the color scheme for the Vols as well, but let’s make it seasonal instead. Honestly, you can choose either, or even pick out something else from their great selection of beers. Just make sure whatever it is it comes in a keg.
Because tradition. Duh.
These two teams have been playing since 1893, and this will be the 120th meeting between the schools. It also marks the 100 year anniversary of the first battle for the barrel. This isn’t the Big Ten, so forget playing for a brass spittoon or some dumb Paul Bunyon cosplay crap. This is the SEC where these two teams fight to the death over a giant wooden barrel of beer and have been since prohibition. Shoutout to one of the better trophy games in the country, but especially shoutout to the Kentucky students who first came up with the idea 100 years ago and rolled out the giant half blue-half orange keg on the field with words “Ice Water” on the side to not get in trouble with the law.
It just means pour.
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