By Chris Marler
This is the one. As we used to say in college on the first Thursday back from Summer vacation and the last day of finals, it is the biggest night of the year. Granted, we would also say it on a random Tuesday in February if it meant we could go out. But, that’s neither here nor there.
This is the biggest night of the year in the SEC this year. Two games, back-to-back, with a potential for two teams being eliminated from playoff contention by the time the sun rises on Sunday morning. These are the games and weekends where you break out the good stuff.
Sadly, we are out of the good stuff because I drank it all. So here’s a three pack of what we do have – great drinks, bad analogies, and fantastic college football matchups. Cheers!
Alabama at LSU
Six times. Six times in 67 years. That’s how many times Alabama has lost to LSU in Tiger Stadium. Death Valley may be a place where dreams go to die for some teams, but not Alabama. LSU is 4-13 in their last 17 games against Alabama, and those four wins have come by a combined 12 total points. This rivalry has been more one-sided than a presidential debate on network television.
But, does any of that matter? Not really. This Alabama team is much different than the ones from years past being led out of the tunnel by Nick Saban. This team is turnover prone, horribly inefficient at times, and as undisciplined as ever. This is a team, and program, that has openly talked about feeling anxiety in road games, and since the Georgia game has only looked like an elite team once.
LSU is 13-0 in Death Valley at night under Brian Kelly. The spot favors the Tigers too as Brian Kelly is also 16-2 coming off a bye week dating back to his tenure at Notre Dame. LSU has the best offensive line in America, and a defensive line that will harass Jalen Milroe into mistakes that have seem to almost become the norm with him. How do you trust this Alabama team to look like the 23 before it that won in Death Valley over the last 67 years?
That’s simple. You don’t.
The Winning: LSU 34 Alabama 30
The Boozing: Crown Royal. I don’t care how you drink it, just don’t drink it neat because this game will be anything but that. It will be gritty, tough, uncomfortable, and even sloppy at times. This game deserves Crown because for the last 15 years, the winner of it has usually worn the crown in the SEC West, the SEC overall, or in the entire country. The winner of those three things has traditionally gone through Tuscaloosa or Baton Rouge since the Bush Administration.
Sixteen years later, and nothing has really changed. This game will be a war, and to the victor goes the spoils. And, the Crown.
Georgia at Ole Miss
Georgia heads to Oxford for what some seem to think is going to be a raucous environment and insane atmosphere. Listen, if I wanted to see that many white people in fleece vests lose their minds, I’d go to a screening of the Succession finale on Black Friday at a West Elm. Stop pretending like this Ole Miss team is different than any other. Stop pretending that Kirby Smart hasn’t ruled college football with an iron fist since 2021. And stop pretending Lane Monte Kiffin has ever showed up in a big game like this.
He is 1-5 against top ten teams in the regular season at Ole Miss. That one win was against a No. 7 Kentucky team that finished unranked and with a 7-6 record.
The Winning: Georgia 33 Ole Miss 23
The Boozing: Jaegar Bomb. I know, I know, it doesn’t really fit the aesthetic or the culture at Ole Miss, but hear me out. Do you remember like 15 years ago when we didn’t have twitter, dating apps, or – gasp – Fireball? All we had for bad decisions back then was elbow grease and Jaegermeister. And tequila, but that’s another story.
Jaeger is disgusting, and every time I seem to forget that it’s disgusting, I end up on a guy’s trip and one of my other nearly 40-year-old friends decides to buy a round of Jaeger for us. “Just like old times!” Do you not remember how awful it was? Did you forget how disgusting it tastes?
Exactly. Why do people keep forgetting who the hell is coaching these two teams? This is Kirby Smart and Georgia. They are 48-0 in the last four years against teams not named Alabama. That is Lane Kiffin. He’s 1-5 in regular season games against top ten teams, and always falls flat on his face or acts drunk on fourth downs in the biggest games and on the biggest stages. He’s the Jaegermeister of SEC coaches.
South Carolina at Vanderbilt
South Carolina has won 15 straight against Vanderbilt, and they’ve only lost four all time against the Commodores. In that span of 15 consecutive wins, Vanderbilt has scored over 20 points just four times. I expect Vanderbilt to try and muck this game up and drag South Carolina down into the mud with them where they are most comfortable.
Diego Pavia has been great and Eli Stowers has been one of the best tight ends in the country this season. But, I think the Cinderella story finally ends this week. Vanderbilt has been playing with house money since the Alabama game, and really, what other goals do they have left to accomplish? South Carolina, on the other hand, really needs this win to prove that last week’s win over top ten Texas A&M wasn’t a fluke.
The Winning: South Carolina 24 Vanderbilt 20
The Boozing: Budweiser. A single cold can. I can’t explain it, but this game just gives off the vibes of “my Dad gave me my first beer after cutting the grass at 16.” There is a lot riding on this game, and while it may not have playoff implications like Georgia-Ole Miss or Alabama-LSU, it does feel like a Welcome to the Adult Table moment for South Carolina-Vanderbilt.
Both of these teams are enjoying their best seasons since 2013, and it feels like a moment where the rest of the SEC, and most of the nation, have finally started to take notice. LaNorris Sellers, Shane Beamer, and Clark Lea’s entire program are growing up in front of our very own eyes. It’s time to have a bonding moment with each of them. So, hand Vandy and USC a cold 12 ounce can of Budweiser, and make sure your mother doesn’t hear about this.
