By Chris Marler
We’re back with another round of Winning & Boozing going over previews and predictions for the biggest games on Saturday and your go to cocktail recipe for the tailgate leading up to them. It looks like we picked this back up at the right time, and we didn’t miss a beat either. I told you a week ago that Auburn-Arkansas would be the drunkest game of the year, and oh buddy I was not wrong. This week Auburn has Oklahoma, so we might be turning this into a bender.
Without further ado, here’s Winning & Boozing for Week 5 in the SEC.
Oklahoma at Auburn
Auburn entered their Nathan Peterman era last weekend against Arkansas, as their quarterbacks combined for five total turnovers–for the second time in four games.
Goodness, Auburn. I haven’t seen someone drop the ball that much or that badly since all those Ghostbusters remakes that no one asked for but we keep getting. Auburn’s quarterback situation has been getting all the headlines and blame for their team’s issues, but as my therapist would say, those are really only the tip of the iceberg. Luckily, their opponent this week has been nearly as bad at the position. The Sooners benched Jackson Arnold last week against Tennessee and will be starting a true freshman on the road in Jordan-Hare Stadium this Saturday.
This is a classic Auburn Jesus spot for the Tigers. At home in front of what is becoming an apathetic fanbase, against a team that’s a huge brand in college football, and Auburn is catching them at possibly the most vulnerable time in the last decade or more. This game will be less offensive than a Kidz Bop album, but I think Auburn will make enough plays to win at home.
Winning: Auburn 20 Oklahoma 17
Boozing: Long Island Iced Tea & Tums. As a former bartender, there are few things less embarrassing than an adult ordering a LIT at a remotely nice establishment. Just say what you want say guys. “I want to get f****d up, but I don’t know what a martini is. So can you just pour literally all of the liquors into one glass and then drown the taste out with sour mix and a splash of sugar and soda? Also, I’m not tipping and am about to become a massive liability.”
Both of these offenses are as equally as embarrassing as that drink order, and their fans are going to become massive emotional liabilities if they head into October with two or three losses.
Kentucky at Ole Miss
The narrative that has been made about Georgia and Kentucky following their game two weeks ago is wildly off base. Georgia’s one-point win somehow made people forget that they absolutely dismantled Clemson two weeks prior, and it also made people believe in what is possibly the most fraudulent feel-good underdog story in the SEC, Mark Stoops and Kentucky.
I like Stoops and what he’s done in Lexington. But he’s gotten a free pass from criticism and has been graded on a curve as a head coach because of where he coaches. Factually speaking, I like Mark Stoops. Also factually speaking, UK is 4-15 in their last 19 games against ranked opponents, and they’ve scored over 30 points twice in their last 18 games against SEC teams. They are heading to Oxford where they’ll play the best offense and quarterback in the country in Ole Miss and Jaxson Dart. Through four games, Ole Miss is outscoring their opponents 220-22. They’re also the second-best first quarter offense in the country averaging 18 ppg. This is gonna be a blood bath.
Winning: Ole Miss 38 Kentucky 13
Boozing: I don’t care, just make sure it’s brown liquor and in a red solo cup. Those two things make up roughly 40 percent of the entire personality of these two fanbases. If you want to lean into the theme even more, make sure the booze is delivered to the tailgate by some Vineyard Vines mannequin named Jace who came to life in his daddy’s Tahoe. Hotty Toddy baby.
Georgia at Alabama
Nick Saban is gone, but the bitterness and genuine hate these two fanbases have for each other hasn’t gone anywhere. Kirby Smart takes his Dawgs back into Bryant-Denny Stadium trying to exorcise some demons against Alabama and first year head coach Kalen DeBoer. Bama has dominated Georgia for the last 17 years. In fact, since November of 2007, Louisiana-Monroe has beaten Alabama the same amount of times that Georgia has. Once.
I fully expect to see a different Georgia team take the field on Saturday than the one we saw in Lexington before the open date. These two teams are evenly matched, and it should be a good game. But I can’t shake the feeling that Alabama’s young–and very inexperienced–secondary will be the difference. Through three games, I’ve seen guys running free behind the defense several times against Alabama. However, USF and Western Kentucky didn’t have a quarterback that could hit anyone that was open. Georgia does.
I expect this to be close early, and I think Bama will lead in the first half. The Bulldogs have struggled to get off to fast starts over the last year or so. For Georiga’s sake, and the sake of the rival SEC and college football fans everywhere, you better pray Alabama doesn’t win this game. I can tell you right now that those fans are not ready to live in a world where Alabama beats Georgia again, but this time without the help of Nick Saban on the sideline.
Winning: UGA 31 Bama 20
Boozing: Pappy Van Winkle and breathalyzer. Break out the good stuff, and do so for a number of reasons. One, Pappy is considered the most premiere bourbon on the market. It’s in a league of its own. And the longer it’s aged, the better and more valuable it is. A 23-year would be best to signify last year’s loss in Atlanta and what it kept Kirby and the gang from accomplishing. It’s also fitting because even though Kirby doesn’t call Saban “pappy,” he was absolutely his daddy. Pour one out for Nick and pour another glass before kickoff to calm the nerves. You’re going to need it when these two play. We’re all going to.
And the breathalyzer? That’s pretty obvious.
