The definitive list of 100 people to fight a gorilla

Staff Writers By Staff Writers
Lagniappe

The Definitive list of 100 people to fight a Gorilla
By now you’ve probably seen the most absurd trend in social media this year. No, not Britney Spears dance-crying for help. The trend asking social media whether or not 100 men could defeat one gorilla.
The answer itself is pretty simple – no. There’s no way 100 normal men could defeat a gorilla. I mean, at least not 100 Chris Marlers. I bruise like a peach and am scared of garden snakes. I can’t imagine how scared I’d be of a gorilla. But, 100 non-normal men? Yeah, that’s up for debate.
So me and 104.5 ESPN’s Alondra Villarreal came up with the definitive list of 98 very specific men (and two women) that absolutely could beat up a gorilla. Here’s our list.

  1. Takeo Spikes
  2. Glenn Dorsey
  3. Ed Orgeron
  4. Derrick Henry
  5. Laron Landry
  6. Bill Belichick’s girlfriend but we tell her the Gorilla asked how they met
  7. James Harrison
  8. That white guy from The Program
  9. That black guy from The Program
  10. Marler when a targeting call goes against his team in a crucial spot (editor’s note: absolutely not)
  11. Dan Campbell
  12. Paul Skenes with a handful of rocks
  13. Smoke Monday
  14. Derrick Brown
  15. The 2015 Alabama D-Line
  16. The 2015 Alabama D-Line
  17. The 2015 Alabama D-Line
  18. The 2015 Alabama D-Line
  19. The 2015 Alabama D-Line
  20. The 2021 UGA D-Line
  21. The 2021 UGA D-Line
  22. The 2021 UGA D-Line
  23. The 2021 UGA D-Line
  24. The 2021 UGA D-Line
  25. The 2021 UGA D-Line
  26. The 2012 Alabama O-Line
  27. The 2012 Alabama O-Line
  28. The 2012 Alabama O-Line
  29. The 2012 Alabama O-Line
  30. The 2012 Alabama O-Line
  31. Aaron Hernandez
  32. Tyrann Mathieu
  33. Brian Dawkins
  34. 2008 Tim Tebow
  35. A couple of Samoans
  36. A couple of Samoans
  37. The Rock
  38. Mickey Loomis (overconfidence and can afford to lose him)
  39. 1980 Herschel Walker
  40. Anytime Bo Jackson
  41. Rolando McClain
  42. DJ Swearinger
  43. Greg Blue
  44. Odell Thurman
  45. Patrick Willis
  46. 2018 Devin White
  47. Diego Pavia (born winner)
  48. Whiskey & Wine T-Bob after a loss
  49. 2014 Shawn Oakman
  50. Dan Wolken (front line)
  51. Citrus Bowl Jadeveon Clowney after a bad call
  52. Shawn Jordan
  53. Myles Garrett
  54. 2007 LSU vs Florida Jacob Hester
  55. Taylor Mays
  56. 2007 Jonathan Papelbon
  57. 1995 Albert Belle
  58. Reuben Foster
  59. Tony Brown
  60. 2010 Nick Fairley
  61. That guy on the plane screaming “I wanna shake your hand”
  62. Leonard Fournette (not against Alabama)
  63. NdamuKong Suh
  64. Lawrence Taylor (on crack only)
  65. Lavarr Arrington
  66. 1993 Shaquille O’Neal
  67. Chad Baker-Mazara
  68. 1986 Brian Bosworth
  69. Ray Lewis
  70. Kevin Faulk
  71. 1998 Al Wilson
  72. 8 Miller Lite Gronk
  73. Katy Perry
  74. Erk Russell
  75. 1994 OJ Simpson
  76. Goldberg (not the Mighty Ducks one)
  77. 1999 Stone Cold Steve Austin
  78. 2010 Brian Cushing
  79. 2020 Bryson DeChambeau
  80. 2013 Vontaze Burfict
  81. White boys outside of Tigerland at 2 am
  82. White boys outside of Tigerland at 2 am
  83. White boys outside of Tigerland at 2 am
  84. White boys outside of Tigerland at 2 am
  85. White boys outside of Tigerland at 2 am
  86. White boys outside of Tigerland at 2 am
  87. White boys outside of Tigerland at 2 am
  88. White boys outside of Tigerland at 2 am
  89. White boys outside of Tigerland at 2 am
  90. Shawn Merriman
  91. Desmond Watson
  92. Scott Cochran
  93. 2003 DC Muschamp
  94. Ed Reed
  95. Jonathan Vilma
  96. 2015 Nick Chubb
  97. Sean Taylor
  98. 2018 Orange Bowl Josh Jacobs
  99. Thomas Davis
  100. Bill Romanowski

Back to Archive

Staff Writers

Staff Writers

More Lagniappe

More Lagniappe

Watch Live