There’s no weekend of the entire season that deserves a drink more than this one. Welcome back to another week of Winning and Boozing where we throw out picks and previews for some of the biggest games in the SEC and more importantly, we tell you exactly what drink you’ll need at each tailgate.
Cheers to Week 3! Pour one out.
LSU at Ole Miss
LSU heads to Oxford. Finally.
This buildup to this game has felt like a car wreck on the way to Disney, and we’ve been stuck in traffic waiting for it to pass or get moved off the road for months now. The quicker it’s in the rearview, the quicker we get to the most magical place on earth – the rest of the season.
There are players on Ole Miss’ roster that are better than their LSU counterparts at the same position. Trinidad Chambliss, Kewan Lacy, and Will Echols are all elite at their respective positions, and that’s great. That’s really great. But, someone please explain what matchup Ole Miss has over LSU anywhere on the field. Not in the stands. On the field.
I’ve said since summer that LSU wins this game by double digits. Nothing moved me off of that in fall camp, and if anything, I’m even more confident in that prediction after watching each of their first two games. Give me the Tigers, and give me the Tigers by a lot.
The Winning
LSU 34, Ole Miss 24
The Boozing
Mind erasers for LSU fans. Warm bottles of Veuve for Ole Miss fans.
LSU fans can drink anything, and leading into a game like this, I could’ve said windshield wiper fluid as long as it came in a styrofoam Superior cup with some sort of alcohol in it. They can drink mind erasers because I think everyone is ready to forget about this rivalry and put it in the rearview fairly quickly after the game ends. I’m sure the trash talk won’t subside for awhile after watching these two fanbases go at it on social media, but for LSU, they can immediately look ahead to Texas A&M next week, and a potential run to the college football playoff with Alabama, Texas, and Tennessee still standing in the way.
For Ole Miss, they get warm bottles of Veuve champagne. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a program openly promote mediocrity more than Ole Miss does with the signage around Vaught-Hemingway Stadium. And, that’s saying something because I grew up going to games in Tuscaloosa where they promote roughly 47 “national championships.” The pats on the back these people give themselves for things like chandeliers at a tailgate, and being the co-Division champs 23 years ago, is hilarious to everyone but them.
We get it. You’re rich. But, you’re not rich rich, you’re Mississippi rich. Being the richest person in Mississippi is like owning the most profitable Sbarro pizza shop in New York City. No one cares. You’re the skinniest kid at fat camp. Congrats on your parents buying you a new Tahoe and three month supply of Ozempic, though.
Florida State at Alabama
The only thing sadder than Florida State’s literal existence as a program right now, is that Alabama enters Saturday in revenge game mode against them. This game reminds me of one thing and one thing only, the final stage of a Mortal Kombat video game. Mike Norvell’s lifeless body is just teetering back and forth, and everyone in Tallahassee is praying to hear two words – “finish him.”
The Winning
Alabama 34, Florida State 14
The Boozing
Warm, bottom shelf Tequila. Honestly, put it in a microwave. Nothing ends a night quicker than bad tequila that doesn’t go down right. It’s curtains for everyone the moment the bartender reaches down on the bottom shelf for whatever tequila costs them $3.25 for the entire 750 ml bottle. As a former bartender you can trust me on this one. It’s time to call it curtains on Mike Norvell’s career at Florida State as well, and there’s a chance it happens this Saturday in Tuscaloosa.
Mississippi State at South Carolina
These two teams are about as evenly matched as can be – on paper. They each run a similar defense in the 3-3-5 and flex nickel. They each have ridiculously talented, athletic quarterbacks with very high ceilings, and the playcallers on each side are even brothers. Mississippi State quarterback Kamario Taylor is awesome, and so is the offense for State so far this season. But, when two teams mirror one another, you would tend to ride with the team who has a better roster or home-field advantage. South Carolina has both.
The Winning
South Carolina 31, Mississippi State 24
The Boozing
Bottomless Pina Coladas. I can’t explain it, but watching these two fan bases finally get some much deserved success and praise after the seasons they suffered a year ago has been awesome. It reminds me of someone on vacation at an all-inclusive resort in the Bahamas.
“What do you mean EVERYTHING is included?! Talk about living the good life.”
The “good life” is just endless amounts of sugary, frozen rum drinks and a swim bar at a pee-infested pool in the middle of the Caribbean, but at least it’s not Myrtle Beach or Pass Christian Central. These two fan bases have been starved for the last year or so, and it’s been awesome to see each program relevant again. Saturday is a big one for both programs.
Georgia at Arkansas
This is going to be a bloodbath. First year Arkansas head coach Ryan Silverfield should have never talked trash about Kirby Smart’s program last season when he was at Memphis. Arkansas replacing Smart’s former assistant and good buddy Sam Pittman is going to come back to haunt them in Fayetteville on Saturday.
The Winning
Georgia 48, Arkansas 10
The Boozing
Bloody Mary with Tito’s vodka. I don’t mean the brand Tito’s either. I mean the homeless guy named Tito outside the stadium. Let the sadness slowly slide over your body Razorback fans. Welcome back to the darkness. This is rock bottom. And, that’s saying something considering Chad Morris was a real thing.
